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I jolted awake and checked the clock.
I had already woken up several times while dreaming about my final long run (scheduled in just a few hours) before the Jersey City Half Marathon.
I’m no stranger to anxiety tormenting me in my sleep, but this was different.
Hmm, it actually wasn’t anxiety as expected.
It was excitement keeping me up. Hold on— that’s a new one.
I’ve been through this song and dance plenty of times before. Thirteen weeks into a training block, I usually hover somewhere between determined focus and dread before a big workout.
Even as a veteran marathoner, it can get old. At least the part about early alarms on the weekend to put yourself through hours of physical discomfort.
I usually forget all my hesitations the second I step outside, and I’ll almost certainly be elated about the work I’ve accomplished by the end.
I posted last week with some helpful advice for times like these (here).
In writing it, I decided that I could allow myself to fall short of my goal of a 1:16 at Jersey City, but I would not fail due to hypocrisy. I won’t be the coach that gives advice he can’t take himself.
This approach is a cornerstone of my coaching. I’m never going to give an athlete something I myself wouldn’t do. My philosophies on performance apply to all runners regardless of their pace, including myself.
Running is chock-full of evergreen wisdom and I’d be a fool to to overlook any of it.
So I buckled down and got to work. I made a plan. I watched videos of my favorite runners. I meditated on and visualized success.
But did it work?
Over the years, I’ve transitioned from a weekend warrior type to a competitive amateur athlete. As my paces quickened, I stopped saying “let’s see what’s possible” and started saying “these are the times I should be hitting.”
I think I was trying to emulate that aggressive confidence you see from the more machismo athletes out there. The attitude perpetuated by brands like Nike.
It’s a front runner mentality. The idea that you should win because you are capable.
The race is yours to lose.
This changed the calculus in my head. Anything short of my potential is a failure, which means failure stays top of mind. The pressure rises, as well as the anxiety.
Mental negotiations start.
Maybe I don’t actually care about getting faster. Maybe I should give up before I disappoint myself again.
Thankfully, I give some pretty fantastic advice.
What happened in this week’s mental prep was a shift from a front runner to an underdog mentality.
I released expectations and focused on doing my best.
I clung to stories of runners overcoming obstacles despite all odds.
I envisioned the booming negative voice in my head during the NYC Half and decided that I would prove it wrong.
I reflected on the fact that no one is keeping score and no one other than myself really cares about my race performance.
I understood that the work would be tough, but I had nothing to lose by trying.
But the long run put this to the test.
Sunday was my biggest workout of the cycle and it was designed to test if a 5:50 per mile average was realistic.
7 mile warm up + 3x 2 mile @ 5:50 pace [5 min easy] + 1 mile kick + 1mile cool down
In the end, the paces of the four reps clocked in at 5:50, 5:42, 5:47, and 5:33.
I couldn’t believe it. I blew past my own expectations, creating my own momentum.
Perfect timing as I enter my taper.
My perspective going into the Jersey City Half is now a lot lighter and inspired.
I’m not running to achieve a time I’m owed. I’m running to see what’s possible.
And I’m no longer running to check a box on my way to faster times.
After months of serious, unrelenting work, I’m finally running because I’m excited.
Coach’s Training Journal - Plan this week (Week 14/15)
Upcoming races: NYC Half, Jersey City Half, Big Sur Marathon
Goals: 1:16:xx half marathon
Running - 45 miles
Lifting - 2 hours
Cross-Training - 0 minutes
Stretching & Foam Rolling - 40 minutes
Heat Adaptation - 30 minutes
Workout of the week:
6x 1 mile @ HMP [90s rest]
This week is about dialing into half marathon pace. The goal was to get comfortable at that spicy HMP so it would feel natural come race day.
For those of you who follow me on Strava, you already know that this workout was a complete bust. Because of scheduling issues, I only had one day to rest between my long run and this. And then Mother Nature decided to kill me with gusts of wind that literally blew me off the track.
I made it through three reps, not even able to hold onto marathon pace. It happens! This is maybe one of two bad speed sessions I’ve had all cycle so I’m not going to let it get to me. Sunday already proved that I’m ready. It’s my job now to keep this positive momentum going no matter what.
Join us for the next GAY BAR FUN RUN on Tuesday, April 8th at Rise in Manhattan.
CHILLS reading this Brian!! You’re ready. 💪🏼 I believe in you!